Faith, Fitness and Dark Chocolate

Pointy-Eared Bastards Unite!

2009-05-12T21:07:00Z

What a crazy, mixed up world!

Oye!

So, about 6 weeks ago I went looking for a coach, someone to help jumpstart me back into action. I wanted a real professional, someone that could understand where I was coming from but also respect the fact that I have a butt-load of information concerning my particular situation.

I tried to be very clear with this well intentioned coach: I am not a binger, not anymore. I believe it is the DOSE that makes the poison or in this case: I am only as much a compulsive over-eater as my last meal would indicate. In other words, if I just had a salad and a glass of water for lunch - I am a health-food guru. All the way up until my very next meal of 3 lbs. of ribs, a pint of potato salad, half a chocolate pie, a loaf of bread, and a 2 liter of coke. At that point I am a compulsive eater.

Nowadays my next meal is always a recovery meal: small, nutritious, fibrous and a good reminder of how I want to feel. This is why I say I am no longer a binge-aholic - on the very rare occassion that I do eat too much or for the wrong reasons - I am immediately back on track.

I hadn't eaten to excess from emotion or binged in over 8 months prior to signing on with this new coach. So, as per usual, with a new strategy/pill/book/guru/magazine article/CD program, I was ready to get right back on track with a heart reinvigorated with hope.

It didn't even take a week before I actually started eating stupidly again. My theory is the insistance of this coach that I was a binge eater put me into that loop again. Eight months of non-binging - sign up with a coach and BAM! I'm spending $26 dollars for lunch at Carls, Jr. I went searching for a coach or program to get me jump-started back into action. It works every time.

Except THIS time, that is.

If hope is a drug then that would make supplements, books, magazines, gurus, etc. are nothing but the next fix. It has occured to me that the progress of the last couple of years has been to replace the addiction to food with an addiction to hope. I have found several healthy, though expensive, ways to get my hope fix. Coaches, books, programs, cd programs, audiobooks, and magazines really cut into the wallet.

What a great step in my personal evolution!

I promptly quit the coach, not because she was ineffective but because I just don't need guidance any more. I don't need generic supplement advice, I don't need generic, home-delivered meal plans, I don't need to spend time addressing my "eating disorder" and I certainly don't need to be spending money to do it.

I just need to be honest. I just need to rely upon myself and know in my heart and mind that I am the only one who can save me. I am doing well recently and I am again making "easy" progress towards a healthy existence. I'll get more into that shortly.

I believe that I have had an epiphany every bit as powerful and insightful as the first two and a half years ago in Colorado. Maybe I am blessed to live to see my life take two extreme, tire-squeeling, body-jerking turns in such a short period of time.

So far, so good...

So Far, So Good

2009-04-28T17:29:00Z

So far, so gooooooooooood....

In the movie in The Magnificent Seven Steve McQueen's character is asked how "things" are going. He stops, looks off into the distance tells this story:

A man falls out of the window of a 10 story building and as he passes each window the people in the rooms heard him say, "so far, so good".

Since my grand return to the "givingadamn" lifestyle all I can say is, "so far, so good".

So far, so good.

I began 19 days ago to get back into the groove of planning my fitness, meals and tending to my health again. I piddled around for a couple of days, then made a few dietary exceptions and then piddled around a bit more until two weeks had passed and I was weighing in heavier than when I started. Then, in an effort to jumpstart or reboot my campaign, I made one HUGE and very questionable decision. I quit my trainer.

I'm still not sure if that was the right move. I'm beginning to think It was pretty stupid, in fact. So, I sit here today with my entire plan in place: a week's worth of meals planned, grocieries bought, workout times planned and each of a large number of training sessions outlined for reps and sets.

A couple kettlebell workouts, a couple of strength workouts for the gym (built from the obligatory base of deadlifting and squating), a couple of sled pulling workouts (using the exergenie trainer) and two cardio variations which all fit together nicely, if I do say so myself.

So far, so good.

As I type this my left wrist is sprained from trying to do renegade rows on the kettlebells, my left forearm/elbow is shredded from flipping my 300 lbs. tractor tire, my left knee isn't holding my body weight from attempting to do lunges, my right ankle is sore from trying to do burpees and my left rotator cuff is sore as hell from attempting turkish get ups with a 26 pound kettlebell.

My right rotator cuff ain't none too happy about it either...

So far, so good.

I also over worked myself with my sets and reps scheme to the point that, beyond that laundry list above, makes it just plain painful to walk, use the restroom, etc.

Not since that scene in the Predator 2 has such a cry of agony been heard to eminate from a bathroom.

Toilet, I stab at thee from hell's heart...

The good news is ALL the pieces are in place and the lesson of "do what works" is firmly inprinted. It was foolish to attempt a lot of those moves. I do know better than that.

That is the brilliance of my trainer, he worked me very hard without doing damage. He found dozens of work arounds and rehab manuevers that kept me in the game.

Today I am 379 lbs. @ 42.0% bodyfat. I need to lose 120 ls. of fat to reach 15% body fat.

So far, so good...

My Contract with the Universe, oh, and slumdog X-men

2009-04-09T21:15:00Z

I heard recently we exist in a contract with the universe. Deep.

Yes, so, so very deep...

But also intriguing.

The idea is we create the various tensions in our lives by reneging on the contract. To better understand the concept just think of the wedding vows "...in good time AND bad". The promise of life is the promise of love, connection, excitations, accomplishment and laughter.

Oh, yes, AND tears, frustration, sorrow, pain and rejection.

Living in harmony with our world and ourselves requires we accept the second list just as readily as we do the first list. I like the symmetry with our internal system of morality. The feeling of "guilt" is a strong message from us to us we have broken one of our own rules. Guilt lets us know we are not living the way we know we should be living.

Thank God for guilt! It is like having a clear, loud voice yelling in your ear, "THIS IS WHAT YOU BELIEVE!"

With guilt as my ally, I could be a mutant whose super power is eating curried chicken with vegetables and enjoying every bite of it because I do firmly believe it is THE DOSE THAT MAKES THE POISON.

Yes, Professor X, it is I, Slumdog Vegetable-aire. Someone call Wolverine over here to chop some sweet potatoes for me.

My first stab at fitting this into my experience has been to think of eating in response to nervousness or boredom as a rejection of the contract. Sure, sometimes, somethings are just going to be uncomfortable, irritating and even downright painful. That was promised in the contract. We have proof of our humanity and opportunity for a rich, full experience of life.

What is this, "embrace the struggle"? I've pondered for months the answer to "To be or not to be". The answer, begrudgingly, keeps coming up "fight, you moron, fight until your last breath. Really? Can you truly be such a moron? Fight."

It isn't in my nature to fight - I've always been more of a "run like hell" kinda' guy.

I do believe the long term solution to most puzzles is the slow, methodical erosion of the beliefs that surround them. Some beliefs are blown apart in a moment - you wander into the living room and dad is putting presents under the tree while drinking the milk you left out for Santa, etc.

But most, especially as those addressed as adults, are slowly and purposefully eroded. Those stone castles are brought down one pebble at a time. Each rep done when your tired, each workout performed when you don't really feel like doing it and every calorie passed up in favor of a better one.

So the bottom line, as it appears to me at this time, is this: It is our duty, having signed the "existence contract" to fight, to always struggle in some manner, especially if the battle is to only chip away that next small, minuscule pebble from the foundations of our "castles" of limiting beliefs.

I'll post some numbers here in the next few days to see how much progress has occurred.

God Bless...

O.K., Fine, Screw Phil Collins

2009-04-02T15:29:00Z

Still Phil Collins but instead of "I Don't Care Anymore" now it is "Take Me Home".

Back in October I had become very frustrated with the process of trying to lose weight. I've spent a lot of time, money and focus on losing the weight with very little to show for it.

Oh, was I pissed.

I continued on with my diet "experiments" to find what was true for me nutritionally, supplementally and spiritually. I continued on with my trainer at the gym. Since October I've continued to eat 5 meals a day and 4 of them were dead-solid-perfect and the fifth? Well, it was whatever I wanted it to be.

Everything went along just as before, no problems, no real weight gain, no nothin' to report. It seemed for several months that not giving a damn was exactly the way to go. Same results, less trouble.

Then in February I had about 4 weeks of back to back illness and a lower back injury (not from the gym) that shot my weight way back up. Higher up than when I had started back on June 12, 2006. Measurements back then put me at 378 lbs. at 49% body fat. That is about 185 lbs. of pure lard and about 192 lbs. of lean, manly, macho, muscle mass.

I worked like a demon for two years and made some progress to 350 at 39.5% body fat. Then I quit back in October.

Today I begin again. The wisdom of this blog was shoved in my face recently. I had to justify why I believed some of those things that seem odd in the world of fitness and nutrition and about my psychology. This blog, it turned out, was so completely instrumental in keeping me aware of changes and evolution. So, today, I begin again.

Today I weigh in at 375.2 lbs. and 41.5% body fat. Two weeks ago I topped out (for my entire life) at 386 lbs.
Today's lean mass is 220 lbs. (up about 30 lbs. from two years ago, maintained very nicely, thank you very much...).
Today's fat mass is 155 lbs. That is 30 lbs. less than two years ago, maintained very nicely, thank you very much...).

My goal is to achieve 15% body fat in one year's time, to do that my I must lose 117 lbs. of fat.

117lbs. of fat/12 months is 9.75 lbs. of fat per month, 2.44 lbs. of fat per week.

Sorry, Phil, but I have to care again, even if it is against all odds. There is just something in the air tonight that compels me. We can't dance so ill get cardio by jogging, and in other ways, too - do you remember? Perhaps I'll yell, "Sussudio" as I wish it would rain down, who knows?

And, for putting up with that last paragraph, you'll be in my heart...

Now, THAT was painful...

Phil Collins, you get me, man...

2008-10-25T04:12:00Z

I quit.

I don't care anymore.

How odd to have lived the way I have for the last two years. I spent so much time, money, energy, focus, emotion and psychic energy on the one goal of losing weight. I haven't eaten more than 1850 calories in a day for nearly six months. No binging.

I haven't done nearly as much for my home, family or business.

And yet, that which I have not "rewarded" with so much time, money, etc., the home, family, and business have done extraordinarily well. I've had great progress, success and stability in all of these areas.

The weight loss thing has been given all of the attention and has garnered no results. What kind of madness is it to reward the failures in life? If you owned a business and you had an employee that always got it wrong, would you pay him more? Of course not.

That is exactly what I have done. I've rewarded those parts of my life that have not produced squat.

Two years of burning it up in the gym with a personal trainer, pounding it out on the treadmill, dieting, planned meals, recorded calorie counts, exact water intake, computerized programs, personal health coaches, motivational coaches and decent, decent caring friends has resulted in nearly no gains or results.

I'm done.

I'm still killin' it in the gym, I'm still going to eat in a way that makes me feel GREAT (dairy free, small meals, vitamin C, fish oil, low soy, fake sugar free) but I am done weighing myself. I am done measuring my food. I am done tracking anything with respect to health.

I quit. I guess I just have to resign myself to being that fat guy in the gym that can run like hell on the treadmill and move heavy weight.

This investment is worth feeling this good everyday. I guess in the end we manage our feelings and our energy and not our time or task list. I will manage my energy and feelings everyday for the rest of my life and if I don't lose another pound, then so be it.

In the words of the great Phil Collins, "I don't care anymore. I don't care anymowewer"

Good luck to everyone.

The Lawn Mower Man

2008-09-07T16:10:00Z

A confession is called for...

But first a promise I made a couple weeks ago:

"On September 7th, 2008 I will weigh 344 lbs. at 215 lbs. lean mass, 129 lbs. of body fat mass and 37.5% body fat."

Not quite. Not even close.
344 lbs., NOPE. Missed by 5.8 lbs.
215 lean mass, uh, NOPE. Missed by 1.53 lbs.
129 lbs. body fat mass, ah, well, jeez, NOPE. Missed by 6.33 lbs.
37.5% body fat, well, uh, hmm... NADA. Missed by 1.3%

I think my GIVADAMN is busted. I am positively coming out of my skin, I'm giddy. I am ecstatic to have missed this small goal so completely and still feel this way.

I'm as happy as a little girl. I haven't felt this good, this powerful or this "solid" in my entire life. I can out run the 20 year old me. I can out lift the 20 year old me. I am growing fingernails, hair and new skin at alarming rates. The insulin-resistance that gave me dark spots on my knuckles and toes is completely gone.

Yesterday was odd in that it was such a remarkable day and it almost passed unnoticed. I woke up feeling great (as is the usual case these days), no headache, no backache - no nuthin'. I popped out of bed and began cleaning the kitchen and making breakfast for the kiddos.

We then went to our 4 year old's first soccer game. 95 degree weather, open field, no chairs to sit on, no shade to sit in. No problem? I stood the entire 2 hours without the pains in my feet, lower back and hips that use to set in after about 5 minutes. I didn't feel overly hot, no panting like a dog. When I did kneel down or sit next to my son it was easy and painless. That has to be the new flexibility. It used to be that I would sit down and in a minute or so my back and shoulders would start throbbing with pain. I couldn't sit cross-legged for any amount of time.

After the game, during which I missed a meal (I thought we would be done with plenty of time - apparently in the soccer Pee-Wee league you practice before the game and then play) we took our young soccer warrior to Chuck E. Cheese to celebrate his towering youth soccer accomplishment: he kicked the ball.

So, I sat there and watched my family eat all of my previous life favorites (pizza, coke, etc.) and felt only the smallest twinge of temptation. I got home, made myself a great meal and relaxed for a few minutes.

I capped my great day by mowing the lawn, which I figure is worth about 350 calories worth of sweat. I don't think of it as "mowing" at all - to me it is a sled-push, uphill. Our yard slopes up off of the street then flattens out and requires some muscle to get the mower up the incline. This was the first time I mowed my own grass. We bought a mower for just this reason.

Feeling strong, effortlessly passing up old trigger foods, finding the fitness in keeping my home and family happy and enjoying some time in the park.

Sounds like a life worth hanging a hat on.

LAST WEEK:

Weight: 351.4
Body Fat%: 39.1%
Body Fat Weight: 137.40 lbs.
Lean Muscle Mass: 214.00 lbs.
At 15% bf, my goal weight is 251.77 lbs.
BMI: 47.6
Body Fat to Lose: 99.63 lbs.

THIS WEEK:

Weight: 348.8 (!)
Body Fat%: 38.8% (!)
Body Fat Weight: 135.33 lbs. (!)
Lean Muscle Mass: 213.47 lbs. (!)
At 15% bf, my goal weight is 251.14 lbs. (!)
BMI: 47.3 (!)
Body Fat to Lose: 97.66 lbs. (!)

Now, that IS more like it...

2008-08-31T14:54:00Z

Now, that IS more like it.

Finally, finally, finally I crossed over the 100 lbs. to go marker. I have approached it, bounced off of it, neared it, shaved at it and peeked at it through a key hole but NEVER, EVER, EVER crossed it.

Given that the scale isn't broken, I don't have a three week old hamburger in my gut throwing off my measurements or last weeks "binge" episode hanging around for a month, this is the first real progress that I am convinced of. No doubts.

Not a big drop in scale weight but check out that drop in body fat percentage - whoo hoo! .6% in one week! Yes, yes, yes, yes and eeeyeeessss! So, not only did I drop about two and a half pounds of fat but I put on one and a half pounds of muscle. Perfect week.

Perfect, perfect, perfect...

No rashes, no bleeding gums, no heart palpatations, no fatigue, no nothing.

I have had a problem with soreness after my gym sessions that I haven't had for a long time. At first I thought that I wasn't getting enough fast moving sugars pre/post workout but then another possibility occurred to me. I have gotten all the way through some very intense workouts. My lifts have all increased, my sprinting intervals all increased in speed this week and my ability to toss those kettle bells around is really improving. I think I'm sore more because I'm doing more.

I like that option better.

Do I get to 344 lbs. by the 7th? 7 pounds in 7 days.

Youbetcherass pilgrim.

LAST WEEK:

Weight: 352.2
Body Fat%: 39.7%
Body Fat Weight: 139.82 lbs.
Lean Muscle Mass: 212.38 lbs.
At 15% bf, my goal weight is 249.85 lbs.
BMI: 47.7
Body Fat to Lose: 102.35 lbs.

THIS WEEK:

Weight: 351.4
Body Fat%: 39.1%
Body Fat Weight: 137.40 lbs.
Lean Muscle Mass: 214.00 lbs.
At 15% bf, my goal weight is 251.77 lbs.
BMI: 47.6
Body Fat to Lose: 99.63 lbs.

It Is My Goal To Complete This Blog

2008-08-24T14:47:00Z

Wow, what a difference a week makes!

This is day 7 of the dairy-free, corn-free, egg-free, soy-free and artificial sweetener-free "elimination diet" outlined in the book "The 5 Forces of Wellness" by Mark Hyman. The idea is to get rid of the most common allergens then add one thing back into the diet each week. I hope eggs make it back in - I'm 100% sure that I have a dirty, rotten, low-down, scoundrel of a dairy allergen.

So much of what I was doing was hurting me.  The protein shakes, cottage cheese, milk, and artificial sweeteners were likely doing me harm with every bite.

Oye! I was taking in such a HUGE amount of fake sugars - how healthy can a body function when it thinks it is taking in thousands upon thousands of calories of sugar?

Mouth: Mmmm... a nice, sweet chocolate bar. This has to be worth 500 calories, cool.

Stomach: Hey! I know it tasted sweet, but we don't actually have anything to burn down here!  Your "sweetness" sensor is broken...

Brain: O.K., next time we'll take in 700 calories in sweetness so this doesn't happen again.

Endocrine: Hey, all, sorry for the release of all of that insulin, I thought we had a big load of sugar to deal with. Don't worry, we won't become resistant to insulin after just one big flood...

Mouth: Mmmm... a large, sweet glass of iced tea............................

This is it! The first week of the rest of my life. I can eat this way effortlessly! All of the running into brick walls over the last two years. All of the effort, the trainer, the supplements, the dietary adherence, the calories restriction, the early mornings, the treadmill sessions, the coolers of prepared meals and the planning and shopping with so little to show.

I am very proud of having not quit or given in to the sometimes heart-wrenching results. Every step, every decision has allowed me to become the man that I am today. The man I am today faces these "limitations" with absolute certainty and faith. I am now ready to do something that I haven't ever done with a completely honest heart. Though, sadly enough, I have done many, many times and at great expense: Write Goals.

I've never written a goal believing that I would truly accomplish it. I've always known, deep down, something would stop me or that I would just quit. Even the goal I posted here a week ago about getting to 344 lbs. at 37.5% body fat by September 7, 2008 was written with the knowledge that I would likely fall short.

I did think it would only be a little short, however.

Today I write with 100% certainty that:

Every step is light, lean and powerful now that I have burned off 105 lbs. of fat in only seven months!

That is march 21, 2009. 105 pounds of fat loss will get me to about 14% body fat and likely 240 lbs. of total weight. I know that SMART goals are supposed to have a bunch of measurements and specificity but I don't need a lot of the traditional goal setting in this because I KNOW what needs to be done, I KNOW if I've done it and I KNOW lighter, leaner and more powerful feels.

My "whys", "whens" and "hows" are all with me, all of the time. I will be checking in every two weeks with my "SECRET WEAPON" for accountability. I will post weekly progress here. I will note each day if my personal integrity contract has been full filed, each day I need to sweat, to pray and to eat clean.

In summary: these are the most accurate body composition measurements of my entire life - I'm not getting lean muscle mass credit for the chicken, beef or heavy meats I may have eaten and not getting high fat readings from any fat that is sitting, undigested in my gut or blood stream. These numbers are where we "begin".

In summary: I will lose 105 lbs. by March 21, 2009. Period. No exceptions, no crying, no excuses and no way I fall short this time. No way.

LET THE TRUE GAMES BEGIN!!

THIS WEEK (The first week of the rest of my life, of course!)

Weight: 352.2
Body Fat%: 39.7%
Body Fat Weight: 139.82 lbs.
Lean Muscle Mass: 212.38 lbs.
At 15% bf, my goal weight is 249.85 lbs.
BMI: 47.7
Body Fat to Lose: 102.35 lbs.

The Man From GOAT

2008-08-19T22:03:00Z

First a statement of the CHALLENGE:

My digestive process is whack. The muscles that contract to empty my stomach are small, poorly innervated and, I suspect, registered democrats. The democrat jab is meant to imply they are present, cause a lot of noise and chaos but ultimately are ineffectual. I have little intestinal motility. Put down the sandwhich and look at this.

Yes, I am a registered Democrat. Social liberal (I don't care who gets married or who runs across the border - just register and pay taxes before you start sucking off the system) and fiscal conservative. Fiscal conservative means the government should only do for me (and you, given circumstances) that which I cannot do for myself - such as fighting wars, policing the streets and financially bailing out soulless and ultra-rich corporations.

My guts are democrats, creators of poo. My attitude has been conservative, flinger of poo. Should have been a healthy balance...

Make the poo - fling the poo. All is right with the world.

Problem is that I'm not making the poo fast enough and when I do, I'm not flinging it as well as I should.

How's that sandwich tasting right now?

So, here we go, THE plan (it has been working like gangbusters for the last two days):

Eat six times a day, 300 calories a meal - DONE, this I have down to a science
Pray twice a day, write once a day - DONE, I actually can pray and not feel like a hypocrite nowadays, cool.
No Dairy products, No Eggs, Very little Soy - NEW, but accommodated for quite easily
Supplements - NEW, I wasn't taking anything but now have rethought the wisdom of that decision, I take: fish oil, choline, 5-htp, digestive enzymes, Vitamin C, Magnesium Citrate, a multivitamin and fruit and veggie fiber supplement.
Resistance training 3x week, cardio work 3x and stretching 1x - DONE, I am fully automatic in this area. Whowouldathunkit?
No more sugar substitutes - well, greatly reduced anyhow. Between the crystal light and the weight control oatmeal, I was really taking in quite a bit of the fake sugars. I will restrict this to the sucralose in my new protein powder, which lists it as the very last ingredient.

The big change is the loss of my favorite shakes Full Strength as they contain dairy and gluten. It is a little ironic that the very thing that kept me on track was also part of the problem. If not for the two shakes a day habit, I likely would not have gotten to this place as this person with this much opportunity.

Much like Britney Spear's hair - When it's time to go, it is simply TIME TO GO.

No eggs - for now. I am following a 2 week elimination diet to test myself for food allergies and sensitivities. No corn, eggs, dairy or sugar substitutes. My guess is the days of lactose and dairy are gone for good but the eggs will make it back shortly. I am not a big believer in soy protein for men.

My new protein powder is GOAT's Whey. It is lactose free, sugar free, absorbs 300% better than regular proteins and doesn't taste too bad either. Had my first this morning - if it bloats or causes any problems it will get tossed right out the door.

I can eat my way to health. Eating right has been so automatic for months now. If not for the habits and confidence from the last six months, there wouldn't be any way I could have addressed this problem effectively.

Just over two years since my "awakening" in Colorado. I haven't caved in to any of the health stuff, torn rotators, low back injuries, rashes, digestive problems, near gall bladder surgery, new baby, new house, binge eating disorder, car accident, and a business built from the ground up.

I haven't stopped eating right (some "slack" periods), I haven't stopped training (very little time lost to injury) but mostly I haven't stopped believing in the eventuality of my dream.

The "why" has never gotten far away from consciousness.

The "how" has been supported by some of the finest people one could hope to meet. Skinny, David, Shawn, Matt and Stephen.

The "When" has been the only part to defy me, time and time again. No longer. No more. The "when" is right now. I've done all of the work with little to show for it and now I'll do all of the work and have everything I want. The "when" isn't so far off that I can slack, my credibility will be rock solid as I pass into new "diet" territory in two weeks. I will be the lowest weight I have been in over 8 years and, better still, back then I didn't carry around and extra 35 lbs. of lean mass that I do now.

Mark it, stamp it, book it and otherwise note it now: On September 7th, 2008 I will weigh 344 lbs. at 215 lbs. lean mass, 129 lbs. of body fat mass and 37.5% body fat.

Old Spice and Britney's Special Room

2008-08-16T15:08:00Z

I find myself in a rotten place this morning.

No, not the room in Britney Spear's brain that stores her self-esteem.

A couple days ago I took a client to a park to "pull the sled". Whole-body core strengthening moves can help some people with Autism to focus and concentrate. The problem is often you don't want to put a squat bar on their backs or hand them heavy weights due to the unpredictability of their responses. The sled is perfect, the only part in contact with the individual is the harness. It had just rained and the field was green and wide open, ideal and beautiful.

For those of you not blessed with a New Mexico sky and the cloud banks that come with it... I feel for you... I'll also forget all about you as I get to run out and play underneath them again today... ha ha ha... he he he...

O.K., gloating is over now...

Were was I? Oh, that's right - It had just rained. They were clever and wicked little creatures. They were devious and cunning. The first to introduce herself to me said her name was "Culcie" and that she was working her way through "phlebotomy school giving flying lessons".

The two-foot cylindrical nose and two large, black-spotted wings should have tipped me off that something wasn't right.

Should have...

In short, though that is not really my style, I was eaten alive by mosquitoes. From my low sock line up to the level of my cargo shorts (calves and knees) I am nothing but a series of welts, stinger marks and cheese-grated skin.

My wife does a quick search for treatment since she has access to all of the on-line medical literature and presents me with the following unimpressive list of options for treatment: ibuprofen, hydro cortisone, cold pack and, yes, deodorant. I tried each of the options and it turns out that the deodorant idea is the most effective.

Old Spice to the rescue! The idea being that the aluminum salts will break down the proteins that cause the itch.

I'm just happy that I won't have any unsightly armpit sweat on my calves for the next couple of days.

And we all hate those now don't we?

I WON THE LOTTERY!!

2008-08-15T02:54:00Z

I WON THE LOTTERY! More on that in a moment...

I have had a great couple of months. Never before have I strung so many days together of great workouts, great nutrition and great mindset.

Never.

I don't have a whole heck of a lot to show for it but that doesn't bother me the way it has in the past. A quick catch-up is in order...

I write this today at 354 lbs., just a frog's hair away from hitting the one hundred pounds to go marker. I started off needing to lose 157 lbs. of fat, now it be just 101.43 lbs. to go... Arrrrrrgh, matey!

On June 28th I began eating six small meals a day and keeping my intake religiously below 1800 calories a day. Darn near 100% compliance with the nutrition. I've made every workout and stretched to strengthen the rehab work of the previous month. All cylinders firing now...

Yet I am still only seeing .75 to 2.5 lbs. of fat lost each week. It's confusing.

Last friday after one of the most painful weeks of my life (I was near an emergency gall-bladder chopped-out-a-me-echtomy) an unexpected diagnosis popped up: Diabetic Gastroparesis. The muscles that contract to empty the stomach and move food through the intestines are weak and inefficient.

BY GEORGE, I THINK WE'VE GOT IT! It explains everything, my brain tumor, the alternating positive and negative results for Celiac disease, autoimmune disorders, arthritis, inflammation, etc. etc. etc. When I eat a hamburger it sits in my stomach, way, way too long. It ferments (think spoils, fungus, mold, Britney Spear's last album, etc.) and then is dumped into my intestinal track.

In short, because the food I eat sits too long in my gut, I am poisoning myself with each bite. So I work and work and sweat and sweat for weeks on end with some progress then take a "free" day. That free day sets me back weeks, sometimes months.

The body fat analyzer says, "Oh, you've gained three pounds of lean mass this week" but it is reading that hamburger from two days ago as lean mass. It isn't my biceps but the Carl's Jr. six dollar burger...

The scale hardly moves because I don't move that big glass of water for over a day or two. My stomach would bloat to the point that the numbers I could see on the scale in the morning are completely obscured by my belly in the evening.

I am not worried because never has my exercise been so automatic. Never before has my nutrition been so automatic. I make good choice after good choice without much thought or drama nowadays.

So, there it is: A lot of fat people make excuses for the shape they find themselves in. I have a metabolic disorder... I hardly eat... I'm just big-boned... etc.

It turns out that I actually have a great, perfect excuse for my flabitude. No B.S., no lies, no "excuses". I WON THE FAT-GUY LOTTERY! There is a real, medical reason for my situation. The irony is this: after all of the effort, change and growth of the last two years, I don't give one damn about what is wrong with my "intestinal motility" - I'm only interested in fixing it and I have a plan. This plan will get worked, it will adapt and it will work - guaranteed.

I'll post more later on how I intend to address the problem but, know this,

Oh, yeah, baby, IT'S ON NOW.

I have now met the enemy and he is MINE. Let's get ready to rrrrrrr-uuuuuuu-mmmmmmm-baaaaaallll. I've spent a lifetime getting ready to face this demon down once and for all and this is the time, this is the place and I am finally the man I need to be to win.

Let the games begin...

The Moral Authority of Body Fat Analyzers

2008-06-08T14:49:00Z

Ah, to be almost four and a boy in the spring.

My son spent this last week conducting a series of complex and profound experiments in hydro-electrical conduction and propagation. In short, he gave several electrical appliances a bath in the bathroom sink. One of which was my handy-dandy bio-electrical impedance body fat analyzer.

So I rush ordered another one to arrive by today so that I could do today's weigh in. The only difference seems to be that the new analyzer reads me somewhere between .5 and .7% higher in body fat percentage. On a guy my size that is a pretty big difference.

But I will report exactly what it says without excuses. The scale dropped almost 5 lbs. this week, I hit the gym with compound exercises, ran intensity intervals on the treadmill and ate almost perfectly - there just ain't no way I lost 5 lbs. of muscle this week.

No freekin' way.

This is an interesting idea for me. This sort of number or result in the past would have me firing down a rack of ribs, feeling nervous, putt-out, and oozing with the "But I did everything right. Poor me. I cannot ever lose weight. Do I have to be perfect? Anyone else would lose weight if they worked as hard as (poor, poor) me".

What a spiral of self-indulgent crap.

Today is different, today I am different.

I know I've put in the sweat equity. I know I've done it right. My inside world is stronger and more firmly rooted in honesty. This doesn't even begin to shake me because I know, and know that I know that I have done it right.

I have what Stephen Covey calls "Moral Authority". By walking the walk, I have some room to talk the talk. Moral Authority allows me to brush these numbers off as a temporary measuring problem. Not a problem with how I feel. Not a problem with how hard I have worked. NOT a problem with my plan or its execution.

I have been writing a book to help children learn emotional intelligence. The story has legs and I've already had book agents contact me interested in representing it. About six months ago I had to stop writing it. With every word it became more painfully obvious that I lacked to the Moral Authority to give advice to anyone. I will continue to lack the Moral Authority until I have slayed my own demons. Today I feel, for the first time in six months, that I am close to finishing that book.

I'm getting closer to being the man that my family needs and deserves.

Good luck and God bless!

HouseKeeping...

LAST WEEK

Weight: 359.8 lbs.
Body Fat%: 39.8%
Body Fat Weight: 143.20 lbs.
Lean Muscle Mass: 216.60 lbs.
At 15% bf, my goal weight is 254.82 lbs.
BMI: 48.8
Body Fat to Lose: 104.98 lbs.

THIS WEEK

Weight: 355.1 (DOWN 4.7 lbs.)
Body Fat%: 39.9% (*)
Body Fat Weight: 141.68 lbs. (Down 1.52 lbs.)*
Lean Muscle Mass: 213.42 lbs. (Down 3.18 lbs.)*
At 15% bf, my goal weight is 251.08 lbs.
BMI: 48.1 (Down .7)
Body Fat to Lose: 104.02 lbs. (DOWN .96 lbs.)*

Completely, Incredibly, Amazingly, Unspectacular Week

2008-06-01T15:17:00Z

I am wondering why the the scale floats up five pounds then drops the day before the weigh-in. I'm not complaining because it was a week closer to the goal but I am capable of losing much more than 1.6 lbs. of fat in a week!

Not too much to say today - an extreme case of mediocrity does that too me.

Housekeeping...

LAST WEEK

Weight: 362.0 lbs.
Body Fat%: 40.0%
Body Fat Weight: 144.8 lbs.
Lean Muscle Mass: 217.20 lbs.
At 15% bf, my goal weight is 255.53 lbs.
BMI: 49.1
Body Fat to Lose: 106.47 lbs.

THIS WEEK

Weight: 359.8 (DOWN 2.2 lbs.)
Body Fat%: 39.8% (Down .2)
Body Fat Weight: 143.20 lbs. (Down 1.6 lbs.)
Lean Muscle Mass: 216.60 lbs. (Down .6 lbs.)
At 15% bf, my goal weight is 254.82 lbs.
BMI: 48.8 (Down .2)
Body Fat to Lose: 104.98 lbs. (DOWN 1.49 lbs.)

Thank You Morgan Freeman for this Opportunity to Blog

2008-05-29T22:24:00Z

Wow.

A few weeks ago I saw the movie Evan Almighty and was just floored by a definition of prayer as described by God (Morgan Freeman). Incidentally, if we could ever hold an election for "GOD" I'd enthusiastically nominate Morgan Freeman and, maybe, John Travolta if only for the Male Warrior's Dance and for his role in Welcome back, Mr. Kotter...

It, it's, it's just so we-erd

Anyhoo, back to the movie...

In this clip God, disguised as a waiter (he he he, very cool, "Gotta go, many people to serve") talks to Evan's wife. At this point Evan appears to have gone over the deep end, he's building an ark, growing a long beard and hair, wearing robes, prophesizing about "a flood" and masses of animals, two by two are gathering around the boat. God sits down next to Evan's wife and says this (fast forward to 41 seconds into the clip) Deep Profound Stuff.

I have been upheaved by this since I first saw it two weeks ago. My focus, spirit and mind all racing and zig-zagging around one another until it is all just a blur that appears motionless.

It messed me up good.

How long have I missed and miss-used my opportunities? How completely this thought changes the meaning of, well, everything,...

Today I have been battling cravings and binge-urges ALL DAY LONG. To compound the problem, I've also had a small migraine, unable to drive due to visual field changes and nausea. The cure to this has been for twenty years: Eat, Sleep, Eat, Sleep until I am completely numbed or medicated and I feel better.

Today I didn't Eat/Sleep/Eat/Sleep, I did take a nap but I have stayed on course nutritionally. Each moment of challenge was met with me stating (out loud) something along the lines of: Thank you for the chance to say NO. Thank you for the opportunity to grow my will power. Thank you for the chance to set the right example for my kids.

Maybe this is a little goofy-sounding but it has worked all day long. I think I just avoided a binge, and a BIG one at that. The confluence of events form the classic binge triggers for me: money concerns, work concerns, health concerns and constant pain (lower back and shoulder i've been rehabbing). And the most important trigger: SUCCESS. I have been doing a really good job, progressing and being disciplined for several weeks now.

Weeks worth of working hard has always led to a big binge and nothing brings on a binge like success.

God Bless,

Jeff

Barack is McAbel to be Hillary-ous...

2008-05-25T15:27:00Z

Kind of a funny week.

Almost Hilarious. This isn't a political blog, please don't read that as Hillary-ous. Although, this does seem like a fun metaphor idea...

This week was Barack n' Roll...
This week was spent in the "John" thinking about the brothers McCain and McAbel...

On Wednesday I actually weighed in at 360.1 lbs. So CLOSE!! I ate an extra thousand calories (not GOOD calories) that day and had drank a bunch of water and my weight jetted up to 366 and kinda stayed there, floating down slowly until today. I was about as mad as I get.

It seemed that pattern was running itself again: Do it all right, do it almost perfect and one day, no, scratch that, one meal of a mistake erases the entire week's progress. Yesterday I was fit to be tied. If anger were an Elvis impersonator - I was Las Vegas.

I wasn't too happy this morning either. Until I measured my percent body fat and the percentage had dropped pretty well. Then I felt like a doofus. I've become accustomed to that particular feeling though.

May 25th ends my first 1 - month goal. I began 30 days ago at 152.6 lbs. of body fat and sit here today at 144.8 lbs. = 7.8 lbs. of FAT LOSS, not too shabby! How dumb of me to get upset and almost pushed off track by such a small thing this week.

Lessons learned from the first 30 days:

I MUST exercise everyday - my blood is like mud, it has to be warm and moving at all times - because when it stops or cools it turns into cement.
I have to guard the high-metabolism zones with ferocity - they must be protected because this is when the progress happens.
I will dial in my carbs and types of fats this next month
I will better address how much gluten I take in, I'll make more gluten-free substitutions
My secret weapons are working - they are a very positive pressure that is serving my progress very well.

GOAL FOR THE NEXT 30 DAYS:

ON OR BEFORE JUNE 25, 2008 I WEIGH 345 LBS.

I'm really responding to these 30 day sprints. Cool beans...

Housekeeping,

LAST WEEK

Weight: 366.5 lbs.
Body Fat%: 40.5%
Body Fat Weight: 148.43 lbs.
Lean Muscle Mass: 218.08 lbs.
At 15% bf, my goal weight is 256.55 lbs.
BMI: 49.8
Body Fat to Lose: 109.95 lbs.

THIS WEEK

Weight: 362.0 (DOWN 4.5 lbs.)
Body Fat%: 40.0% (Down .5)
Body Fat Weight: 144.8 lbs. (Down 3.63 lbs.)
Lean Muscle Mass: 217.20 lbs. (Down .88)
At 15% bf, my goal weight is 255.53 lbs.
BMI: 49.1 (Down .7)
Body Fat to Lose: 106.47 lbs. (DOWN 3.48 lbs.)

Rats Running on Ice, Stuck in Shoes, Not Knowing What Day It Is, Incompletely Climbing To Get Next To You

2008-05-18T14:15:00Z

AAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Okay, I feel better now.

This is that rotten, stinking pattern of the first year of my "transformation". When I was logging on the RealSolutions board this would happen to me, week after week. I would burn it up in the gym, I would diet with great accuracy/efficiency and I would log, refresh and analyze the process but with no real progress.

FULL OF SOUND AND FURY, SIGNIFYING NOTHING

For all of my rage I am still just a rat in a cage... (Smashing Pumpkins)

Hmm... This song lyrics motif is kinda' fun, more:

And all it means is that I'm running on Ice, running on ice... (Billy Joel)

You make me frustrated like I'm stuck in a shoe... (Mommas and the Poppas)

Nobody told me there'd be days like these... (John Lennon)

Unimportant are all the things I can do, because I can't get next to you... (Temptations)

Come on baby, finish what ya' started, I'm incomplete... (Van Halen)

Seems I'm always climbin and fallin and climbin But I keep on tryin'... (Trace Adkins)

It is all this back and forth, all this energy expended with little or nothing to show for it. Worse, weeks such as this occur: all the work, all the energy, proper eating 95% of the time and the result - WEIGHT GAIN.

Crap. Total crap.

The good news is that I have learned exactly why this happens - If I even look at a weight bench I put on a pound of muscle. I put on muscle with very little effort, probably due to my high circulating insulin levels. So with me there is a real tipping point for calorie intake. At 2200 calories/day I gain mass but lose no fat. Between 2000 and 2200 I lose fat modestly and no loss of lean mass. Now, at 1800 calories/day I can lose about 3.5 lbs. of fat a week and .5-1 lbs. of lean a week and that is a fine deal for me.

So I know that with these results my caloric intake is just a couple hundred higher than it should be. 2200 calories a day will NOT get it done! Just as happened this week, I'll put on lean mass, and lose little or no fat and have just lost another important week of progress.

This week's focus is on three things: 1) Get the caloric intake down to 1800 a day, 2) Put the fork down between bites (thanks Shawn !) and, 3) Get to the gym every day this week.

Oh, well, onward and upward...

LAST WEEK

Weight: 362.8 lbs.
Body Fat%: 40.1%
Body Fat Weight: 145.48 lbs.
Lean Muscle Mass: 217.32 lbs.
At 15% bf, my goal weight is 255.67
BMI: 49.2
Body Fat to Lose: 107.31 lbs.

THIS WEEK

Weight: 366.5 lbs. Up 3.7
Body Fat%: 40.5% Up .3
Body Fat Weight: 148.43 lbs. Up 2.95
Lean Muscle Mass: 218.08 lbs. Up .7
At 15% bf, my goal weight is 256.55 lbs.
BMI: 49.8
Body Fat to Lose: 109.95 lbs.

What the Fork Was I Thinking?

2008-05-11T13:48:00Z

Not a stellar week but progress nonetheless...

I did something new and odd yesterday: I punished myself with food. My goal with food always been very powerful and consistent: FEEL BETTER.

Food is good, yeah, yeah, food is great, yeah, yeah,
What if food was one of us? Just a hogie on a bus...

Thanks to the coaching and Anthony Robbins materials I have been able to identify and begin to move through my binge-eating disorder. I recognize the motivations behind the actions and for several years I have made good progress. Two years ago I began chronicling my weight loss on the Real Solutions BB and quickly realized just how bi-polar my emotions around the diet end of this was.

One week I was doing great and the next week I would write about eating a slab of ribs in a parking lot at 10 in the morning. Up and down, up and down, down and down and up and down, ad nauseum. I recently went back and, with some embarrassment, read the log - all of it. It became very obvious over several months that I wasn't getting it done, I wasn't on a "Biggest Loser" path of losing 100 lbs. in 9 months or whatever it is that they do.

I was growing some spiritual muscle, learning how to work and push myself in the gym and for the first time in my life the inevitability of reaching my goals was obvious to me. If it wasn't for that time and toil, today's success would not have been possible. That inevitability of reaching my goals was indeed so powerful and present in my life then.

It still is.

Yesterday I had a small binge episode. I say small because even though I ate all the wrong stuff, it only put me 600 calories over my daily budget of 1800. I weighed myself today and I have still lost 2.5 pounds of fat this week and put on almost a pound of muscle. Its hard to get too upset.

So, this morning I woke up, I weighed and took my body fat measure, then scarfed down a cottage cheese and grapes breakfast.

Good WEEK!

Housekeeping:

LAST WEEK:

Weight: 364.6 lbs.
Body Fat%: 40.6%
Body Fat Weight: 148.03 lbs.
Lean Muscle Mass: 216.57 lbs.
At 15% bf, my goal weight is 254.79 lbs.
BMI: 49.4
Body Fat to Lose: 109.81 lbs.

THIS WEEK:

Weight: 362.8 lbs.
Body Fat%: 40.1%
Body Fat Weight: 145.48 lbs. Down 2.5
Lean Muscle Mass: 217.32 lbs. UP .8
At 15% bf, my goal weight is 255.67 lbs.
BMI: 49.2
Body Fat to Lose: 107.31 lbs. DOWN 2.0 lbs.

Get the Fork Out...

2008-05-08T16:09:00Z

Get the Fork Out...

Of your mouth...

Now, c'mon, your dirty mind got the best of you, didn't it?

I have incorporated three strategies from the Strength for LIFE book by Shawn Phillips. One was forced on me, the other is a personal challenge I have taken up and the last is a gift from a friend.

More on the friend later...

The first strategy is the stretching and yoga focus of a healthy and flexible body that can carry on for years. I remember a doctor telling me several years ago the greatest predictor of longevity is how easily a person can clasp their hands behind their back, on from up, the other from down. NOT just clasping hands behind you (ala the ralph mouth, fake hug, make out in the phone box trick - whoa, who knows what that is referring to?), heck, I can do that!

This is where you reach for the sky with one hand, and the floor with the other, then clasp hands. One elbow points to the ceiling, the other the floor. I just got a cramp typing that...

I hurt myself pretty badly about a month ago in the gym. I've always had that cork-screw feeling since the car accident and, well, let's just say, I fully SCREWED myself this time. The rehab has been stretching some very tight and short muscles. It is coming along very well and I can tell that I will be stronger and better off for having addressed the flexibility problems sooner rather than later.

The second was a suggestion to slow down while eating, to raise awareness, his suggestion: Put the fork down in between bites. Simple, honest, brilliant and the focus of my discipline/awareness training for the week. This is all I want to accomplish this week, period.

Now I could have titled this blog "Stick the Fork In..." but then people would just think it was another blogger telling Hillary Clinton to get out of the race.

Oscar Wilde: The world was my oyster but I used the wrong fork...

I can feel real change in my life nowadays. There is a calm and faith that makes the waves my friends and allies and not the drowning destroyers of the past. I don't have to run that hard or erratically to get where I want to go. Maybe I'll end up in church afterall.

Yogi Berra: When you come to a FORK in the road, take it!

Secret Weapon Update

2008-05-04T15:14:00Z

GREAT WEEK!

My shoulder and lower back are ready to go - I'm sure of it. I had a spot of vertigo mid week but, wow, check this out! I lost 5 pounds but the great news is 3.5 lbs. was pure lard. Losing .49 lbs. of lean mass is ideal, I'll trade a half a pound of muscle for three and a half pounds of fat every week for the next 32 weeks.

I have 109.81 pounds to lose.
I have a "secret weapon".

I have a craving for coconut curry sauce, hmm...

Next week I'll be back in the 50's. Niiiiiiiiiiiccccccccccccce.

HouseKeeping:

Weight: 364.6 lbs. WHOO HOO!
Body Fat%: 40.6% WHOO HOO!
Body Fat Weight: 148.03 lbs. WHOO HOO!
Lean Muscle Mass: 216.57 lbs. WHOO HOO!
At 15% bf, my goal weight is 254.79 lbs.
BMI: 49.4
Body Fat to Lose: 109.81 lbs.

Strength for Life REDUX

2008-05-01T13:17:00Z

It is May 1 and we all know the tradition of this day: Yank up some flowers out of your neighbor's yard then leave them on the front door step of that attractive someone while yelling "MAY DAY" as you run at top speed to hide in the bushes.

Hey, you celebrate your way and I will celebrate mine...

Shawn Phillips released his book and it is currently available at Amazon.com. His wife thought we should all get together to buy this book on the same day so that it would shoot to number one on the best seller list...

You see honey, my dear wife THAT is how a devoted and thoughtful wife acts - when have you ever tried to make me an Amazon.com #1 best selling author, huh?

I can just hear her now, "You have to write a book first, hotshot!"

Details, DETAILS, there you go shooting down my dreams with unimportant facts again - (ala George Lopez) I CAN'T DO NOTHING!

Hmm, where did that come from? Honey, I LUFF you. Honey, are you still there? Crap...

Anyways the point of this post is simple:

IF YOU WANT A LIFE OF STRENGTH

GO BUY THIS BOOK

IF YOU WANT A BALANCED PLAN FOR MAINTAINING YOUR BEST BODY

GO BUY THIS BOOK

IF YOU DESIRE THE TIMELESS WISDOM THAT IS PURCHASED WITH FOCUS AND CONSISTENT ACTION

GO BUY THIS BOOK

IF YOU HAVE A NICKEL, WELL YOU DON'T HAVE ENOUGH NICKELS TO BUY THIS BOOK - GO GET SOME MORE NICKELS AND THEN...

GO BUY THIS BOOK

AND DO IT TODAY TO HELP OUT A TRULY DESERVING AND GENEROUS SOUL. I'M GOING TO BUY A COUPLE COPIES RIGHT NOW...

God bless and keep you,

Jeff