What a crazy, mixed up world!

Oye!

So, about 6 weeks ago I went looking for a coach, someone to help jumpstart me back into action.  I wanted a real professional, someone that could understand where I was coming from but also respect the fact that I have a butt-load of information concerning my particular situation.

I tried to be very clear with this well intentioned coach: I am not a binger, not anymore.  I believe it is the DOSE that makes the poison or in this case: I am only as much a compulsive over-eater as my last meal would indicate.  In other words, if I just had a salad and a glass of water for lunch -  I am a health-food guru.  All the way up until my very next meal of 3 lbs. of ribs, a pint of potato salad, half a chocolate pie, a loaf of bread, and a 2 liter of coke.  At that point I am a compulsive eater. 

Nowadays my next meal is always a recovery meal: small, nutritious, fibrous and a good reminder of how I want to feel.  This is why I say I am no longer a binge-aholic - on the very rare occassion that I do eat too much or for the wrong reasons - I am immediately back on track.

I hadn't eaten to excess from emotion or binged in over 8 months prior to signing on with this new coach.  So, as per usual, with a new strategy/pill/book/guru/magazine article/CD program, I was ready to get right back on track with a heart reinvigorated with hope.

It didn't even take a week before I actually started eating stupidly again.  My theory is the insistance of this coach that I was a binge eater put me into that loop again.  Eight months of non-binging - sign up with a coach and BAM!  I'm spending $26 dollars for lunch at Carls, Jr.  I went searching for a coach or program to get me jump-started back into action.  It works every time.

Except THIS time, that is.

If hope is a drug then that would make supplements, books, magazines, gurus, etc. are nothing but the next fix.  It has occured to me that the progress of the last couple of years has been to replace the addiction to food with an addiction to hope.  I have found several healthy, though expensive, ways to get my hope fix.  Coaches, books, programs, cd programs, audiobooks, and magazines really cut into the wallet.  

What a great step in my personal evolution!

I promptly quit the coach, not because she was ineffective but because I just don't need guidance any more.  I don't need generic supplement advice, I don't need generic, home-delivered meal plans, I don't need to spend time addressing my "eating disorder" and I certainly don't need to be spending money to do it.

I just need to be honest.  I just need to rely upon myself and know in my heart and mind that I am the only one who can save me.  I am doing well recently and I am again making "easy" progress towards a healthy existence.  I'll get more into that shortly.

I believe that I have had an epiphany every bit as powerful and insightful as the first two and a half years ago in Colorado.  Maybe I am blessed to live to see my life take two extreme, tire-squeeling, body-jerking turns in such a short period of time.

So far, so good...