My iSatori Story
This is the article I posted about a year and a half ago. It holds up pretty well I think. This sums up the starting point of the faith revolution in my life pretty well, again, I think.
I have been frustrated for as long as I can remember by my weight. I can assure you ‘frustrated’ is soft-pedaling the emotional torment enormously, there were times when I hated myself, falling deeper into despair with each compulsive mouthful of food. I began reading diet, health and fitness books over twenty years ago in the hope that something would change my “growing” problems with obesity. I have tried nearly everything, veganism, vegetarianism, meat-ism, this-ism, that-ism and on and on, ad nauseum. I hadn’t had any real success until I happened upon the book Body for Life and, for the first time, I set out on a program with a head full of steam and heart full of hope.
I bought completely into the culture outlined in the book, intense workouts, weight training, supplements and eating six times a day. I even took those awful before and after pictures and though my weight was dropping, I didn’t look any different. I could train really hard some days and not so hard on others. Eating six times a day quickly came to mean two or three “good” meals and two or three belt-looseners! I did continue to loose weight but it was slow, costly and involved so much soreness from training that I didn’t focus on it with such intensity anymore. Then that inspiring magazine shut down. I felt deserted!
Bouncing from one “miracle” weight loss program to another for some time was brought to a sudden halt when I was rear-ended in a car accident. The accident knocked me unconscious but was, for the most part, not very serious. Once again, I was very lucky.
The ER doctor ran aCAT scan. My poor wife was the on-call provider who first saw the quarter-sized black dot on the films. This “black dot” ran through several tissue layers and deep into my brain and had nothing to do with the car accident! What a rotten thing to find by accident. In response I pulled my favorite maneuver: I pitied myself, and quit right there on the spot. No more exercise, no more eating right, no more supplements, no more false hope, no more nothin’. Thoughts of how long I would live, how I would look when they found me dead slowly crept deeper and deeper into my mind. Emotionally I spiraled down for two years just as my weight spiraled up.
The “black dot” hasn’t moved, grown, or changed shape in the two years since they found it. It occurred to me in mid May of 2006 that I had a cancer in my mind, not in my brain. All of the self-pity, mental imagery of death, lowered expectations, anxiety, and weight gain were the true cancer. This cancer of the mind would truly end my life, long before I was physically dead.
I started thinking about how I would get back on track, get energized and reclaim my life. The last time I felt a great trust for a company was while speaking to a very sweet lady who filled the order for Lean System 7. I had also read the magazine Real Solutions somewhat consistently, always impressed by the lacking attitude of most muscle magazines: sex sells, hype sells, and they actually had scientific basis for the claims they made. I was sure this magazine had picked up the baton from the Muscle Media folks. I had received the email newsletter outlining the activities for the first annual fitness boot camp and, with not even half the money in my account, I signed up on May 31, the last day listed. Given the late notice, air fare was downright painful but what exactly were credit cards invented for anyhow?
My experience at the fitness boot camp is simply, unexaggeratedly the turning point for the rest of my life. I know how experiences of this type can sound and please understand I have not been an overly religious person throughout my life. I haven’t ever been much of a groupie or mindless follower and so I don’t cast my endorsement easily or cheaply. People, companies and groups have to earn my trust. So when I say that I had a spiritual awakening that weekend inDenver
I believe the first pearl was strung on Saturday morning as the group of fifty-five of us boarded shuttles to the Red Rocks Amphitheater where Carla Sanchez was going to try to kill us all with one of her “light” workouts. It very quickly became obvious that I didn’t belong here. Not with these people. Not doing these things, not at all. I couldn’t get through the first set of push ups at the base of the steps, let alone jumping up the steps, running, and climbing for the next hour or so.
My heart sank. I was beginning to feel as foolish as I ever have. I spent all this money. I took time off of work. I embarrassed myself in front of all these people. I’ve let my wife down, again. It was alright, the Dodgers were in town that weekend, so the trip wouldn’t be a total bust. I planned on gorging myself on baseball food. I was deep inside my pity and self-abuse ritual when the moment came that changed my life.
A pretty, dark-haired woman in black and white floated over to my side. Thinking about it now, it reminds me of what a teacher does when she sees a student has fallen and crying on the playground. That tilted head, compassionate look in the eyes, and the tone of voice that says, “hey, buck up little camper, it’s going to be all right! I promise!”
Readers of Real Solutions will recognize the compassionate school yard teacher as being 2005 total transformation champion Shari Friedman. She was featured in the Winter 2006 edition of Real Solutions.Shari is a moderator and active presence on the Realsolutionsmag.com bulletin board, where she has developed on-line relationships with many of the people at the boot camp. For most it was the first time they were meeting face to face after years of communication.
Shari sacrificed her workout, her time to spend with her friends from the bulletin board to train with me one-on-one. In a large group of trainers she was the one who stepped out and asked how I was doing. She selflessly traded her time and energy for my benefit. Shari made sure that I got up a great sweat and joined in with the group. I felt as though I belonged here and with these people after all. I wish I could fully express how completely she changed my life that day. I fear I will never be capable of properly relating the shear power of the leverage she empowered me with that day. Her simple act of caring and attention is the single most important step towards my “Satori”.
Back at the hotel I wanted to make sure Stephen knew, that I understood why he had sentShari over. Obviously he was worried about me dying and ruining everyone’s weekend and sent over one of his people to keep that from happening. As is very often the case, I couldn’t have been more wrong – he had never sent Shari over, she came on her own, of her own volition. I felt immediately sick to my stomach. I knew that I owed her a debt, a huge debt that could only be repaid in one way: lose the weight. Then I felt even a little sicker knowing that I was locked in, I would have to make good on this.
Later that evening we had a break before dinner. I spoke to Stephen and told him I wouldn’t be attending dinner because I wasn’t feeling that good. This was a little white lie. Truth was, my anxiety level was climbing slowly and steadily all day. Every time a fellow boot camper asked how I was, every thought about the debt I now owed my level of anxiety became more and more powerful, nearly overwhelming. Stephen told me to get a walk and some fresh air and that I might feel better afterwards. Without any real intention of attending the dinner, I headed out of the hotel and down the street for a walk.
I found a pond and some grass just down the street and sat down to relax. The sun was beginning to set behind those beautifulRocky Mountains , two ducks turned circles in the pond and the air had a faint sweetness about it. Then it came. It felt like my wedding day and the moment I met my son, a moment of perfection and “rightness”. I knew at my core that everything was exactly as it needed to be and all would be alright. For someone with anxiety and attention problems a feeling of absolute certainty is an earth-shattering experience. Maybe it was the alignment of the planets, the presence of a higher power or the extra oxygen from that morning’s training but I was living those in those moments with a sense of complete certainty. Certainty of mission. Certainty of purpose. Certainty of results. I knew, and knew that I knew that this time I would completely follow through to the end.
As Stephen had told us the first day, a “Satori” is a moment of awakening. My awakening was fully a consequence of the compassionate and gentle contribution of caring and interest; the intangible “gifts” given to me by Shari Friedman. So often the greatest gifts are found in the hearts of people courageous enough to release them long enough to be captured in the heart of another. I carry her precious gifts with me everyday. There won’t be any quitting this time, guaranteed.
Shari Friedman saved my life. As it turns out, she was just getting warmed up! She set me up with a program to insure that I would overcome my “big man” obstacles before diving into anything too intense. She has also stayed in touch encouraging me through email, the RealSolutionmag.com message board and made personal phone calls to make sure I was on track. All of this has been done out of the goodness of her heart. She hasn’t taken a dime in payment for any of it.
I owe it all to Mrs. Friedman and, although she is a certified personal trainer, the lesson shared that day at the Red Rocks is not about barbells, sit-ups or dieting.Shari shows us that the best exercise a human being can do is to reach down and help lift someone else up.
I have written this with two purposes in mind. First, I want to always remember and feel that weekend at work in my life for the rest of my life. Second, I thought she should be recognized for her kindness and willingness to help. Please send her a message telling how she has helped you up. Finally, keep your eyes open for that person who could use your gifts of kindness and sincere interest. I wish the best of luck to you all.
© 2006
I have been frustrated for as long as I can remember by my weight. I can assure you ‘frustrated’ is soft-pedaling the emotional torment enormously, there were times when I hated myself, falling deeper into despair with each compulsive mouthful of food. I began reading diet, health and fitness books over twenty years ago in the hope that something would change my “growing” problems with obesity. I have tried nearly everything, veganism, vegetarianism, meat-ism, this-ism, that-ism and on and on, ad nauseum. I hadn’t had any real success until I happened upon the book Body for Life and, for the first time, I set out on a program with a head full of steam and heart full of hope.
I bought completely into the culture outlined in the book, intense workouts, weight training, supplements and eating six times a day. I even took those awful before and after pictures and though my weight was dropping, I didn’t look any different. I could train really hard some days and not so hard on others. Eating six times a day quickly came to mean two or three “good” meals and two or three belt-looseners! I did continue to loose weight but it was slow, costly and involved so much soreness from training that I didn’t focus on it with such intensity anymore. Then that inspiring magazine shut down. I felt deserted!
Bouncing from one “miracle” weight loss program to another for some time was brought to a sudden halt when I was rear-ended in a car accident. The accident knocked me unconscious but was, for the most part, not very serious. Once again, I was very lucky.
The ER doctor ran a
The “black dot” hasn’t moved, grown, or changed shape in the two years since they found it. It occurred to me in mid May of 2006 that I had a cancer in my mind, not in my brain. All of the self-pity, mental imagery of death, lowered expectations, anxiety, and weight gain were the true cancer. This cancer of the mind would truly end my life, long before I was physically dead.
I started thinking about how I would get back on track, get energized and reclaim my life. The last time I felt a great trust for a company was while speaking to a very sweet lady who filled the order for Lean System 7. I had also read the magazine Real Solutions somewhat consistently, always impressed by the lacking attitude of most muscle magazines: sex sells, hype sells, and they actually had scientific basis for the claims they made. I was sure this magazine had picked up the baton from the Muscle Media folks. I had received the email newsletter outlining the activities for the first annual fitness boot camp and, with not even half the money in my account, I signed up on May 31, the last day listed. Given the late notice, air fare was downright painful but what exactly were credit cards invented for anyhow?
My experience at the fitness boot camp is simply, unexaggeratedly the turning point for the rest of my life. I know how experiences of this type can sound and please understand I have not been an overly religious person throughout my life. I haven’t ever been much of a groupie or mindless follower and so I don’t cast my endorsement easily or cheaply. People, companies and groups have to earn my trust. So when I say that I had a spiritual awakening that weekend in
I believe the first pearl was strung on Saturday morning as the group of fifty-five of us boarded shuttles to the Red Rocks Amphitheater where Carla Sanchez was going to try to kill us all with one of her “light” workouts. It very quickly became obvious that I didn’t belong here. Not with these people. Not doing these things, not at all. I couldn’t get through the first set of push ups at the base of the steps, let alone jumping up the steps, running, and climbing for the next hour or so.
My heart sank. I was beginning to feel as foolish as I ever have. I spent all this money. I took time off of work. I embarrassed myself in front of all these people. I’ve let my wife down, again. It was alright, the Dodgers were in town that weekend, so the trip wouldn’t be a total bust. I planned on gorging myself on baseball food. I was deep inside my pity and self-abuse ritual when the moment came that changed my life.
A pretty, dark-haired woman in black and white floated over to my side. Thinking about it now, it reminds me of what a teacher does when she sees a student has fallen and crying on the playground. That tilted head, compassionate look in the eyes, and the tone of voice that says, “hey, buck up little camper, it’s going to be all right! I promise!”
Readers of Real Solutions will recognize the compassionate school yard teacher as being 2005 total transformation champion Shari Friedman. She was featured in the Winter 2006 edition of Real Solutions.
Back at the hotel I wanted to make sure Stephen knew, that I understood why he had sent
Later that evening we had a break before dinner. I spoke to Stephen and told him I wouldn’t be attending dinner because I wasn’t feeling that good. This was a little white lie. Truth was, my anxiety level was climbing slowly and steadily all day. Every time a fellow boot camper asked how I was, every thought about the debt I now owed my level of anxiety became more and more powerful, nearly overwhelming. Stephen told me to get a walk and some fresh air and that I might feel better afterwards. Without any real intention of attending the dinner, I headed out of the hotel and down the street for a walk.
I found a pond and some grass just down the street and sat down to relax. The sun was beginning to set behind those beautiful
As Stephen had told us the first day, a “Satori” is a moment of awakening. My awakening was fully a consequence of the compassionate and gentle contribution of caring and interest; the intangible “gifts” given to me by Shari Friedman. So often the greatest gifts are found in the hearts of people courageous enough to release them long enough to be captured in the heart of another. I carry her precious gifts with me everyday. There won’t be any quitting this time, guaranteed.
Shari Friedman saved my life. As it turns out, she was just getting warmed up! She set me up with a program to insure that I would overcome my “big man” obstacles before diving into anything too intense. She has also stayed in touch encouraging me through email, the RealSolutionmag.com message board and made personal phone calls to make sure I was on track. All of this has been done out of the goodness of her heart. She hasn’t taken a dime in payment for any of it.
I owe it all to Mrs. Friedman and, although she is a certified personal trainer, the lesson shared that day at the Red Rocks is not about barbells, sit-ups or dieting.
I have written this with two purposes in mind. First, I want to always remember and feel that weekend at work in my life for the rest of my life. Second, I thought she should be recognized for her kindness and willingness to help. Please send her a message telling how she has helped you up. Finally, keep your eyes open for that person who could use your gifts of kindness and sincere interest. I wish the best of luck to you all.
© 2006
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